Developing Your Rule of Life

What is a Rule of Life?

A spiritual Rule of Life has much the same purpose. It is the checklist of practices we intentionally undertake to maintain and deepen our relationship with the Ground of All Being, the God who made us. Even without articulating it, many of us observe elements of a Rule of Life, taking time for morning devotionals, returning thanks before meals, or saying bedtime prayers. But covenanting with God - and perhaps also with a community - to live by a Rule of Life brings an intentionality and accountability to our spiritual practice. And by taking that step, we begin a journey that will immeasurably deepen our relationship with God.

The term "Rule of Life" calls up connotations of homeroom monitors or black-and-white-shirted referees, whose goal in life is to enforce a list of rules and to penalize any infraction. But in Shakespeare's English, the term "rule" was not a synonym for "regulation." Instead, its more common meaning was a straight-edge, for drawing lines and taking measure. In that sense, a "Rule of Life" is a tool that equips us to maintain appropriate boundaries and to measure our progress.

Why have a Rule of Life?

Having a Rule of Life encourages us to set attainable goals for our spiritual growth, and then to work steadily over time to achieve them. It calls for us to create an intentional pattern for our everyday life that opens us to perceiving God's presence and activity. It makes the common holy, by calling us to remember - much as we remember Christ in the bread and wine of Eucharist. It calls our attention to the sacramental nature of the every-day - those myriad "outward and visible signs" of God's grace in action. It creates a structure for being mindful - of God, of the gift of life, of God's grace, and of our own mortality.

Creating a Rule of Life means becoming aware of how we are spending our time each day, and of how we might spend it better. Becoming aware of the "gap" between those two creates momentum for change. That energy can help us find the ways to nurture our relationship with God, on a daily basis. Once we find the courage and discipline to incorporate just one of those practices into our daily routine, we are encouraged to push ourselves a little farther and to add another. A growing intimacy with God is the reward of practicing a Rule of Life.

And "practice" is the operative word. A Rule of Life is not meant to be a demanding test or a stressful exercise. Instead, the daily repetition of simple practices that focus our hearts on God does far more to nurture deep, meaningful spiritual growth than the occasional mountain-top experience. Just as important, a Rule of Life is not meant as a private practice. Even if the Rule is an individual one, it is lived out in community with others, and it is through reflection with others that we discern our growth.

A Rule of Life is just one tool in a backpack of useful tools we can assemble for our journey into a deeper relationship with God. Our own Rule and those other tools - an inventory of our gifts, a knowledge of Scripture and church history, an awareness of our shortcomings, clarity about what brings us joy - all are sharpened with use over time. The listening heart, equipped with such tools, will be shaped into a more Christ-like pattern.

What does it look like?

Living a Rule of Life does not mean living an unblemished life. It does mean being intentional about taking on particular practices that draw us toward a life patterned on Christ.

Joan Chittister, in her commentary in The Rule of Benedict, reminds us, "This is an enterprise between two spirits, in other words, God's and our own. We will fail often, but God will not fail us and we must not stop. . . . Clearly, great pursuers of the spiritual life know that the secret of the spiritual life is to live it until it becomes real."

There are many time-tested practices that might be incorporated into the pattern that forms a Rule of Life: reading and meditating on Scripture; praying regularly; participating in the sacraments, especially Eucharist and reconciliation; exercising sacrificial self-giving; observing periods of silence; and practicing hospitality. In addition to behaviors, attitudes can be brought under a Rule of Life: response to authority; acceptance of the "other"; rejection of grumbling or cynicism; forgiveness; respect for others.

It is essential that we adopt a Rule that fits us – not simply a comfortable Rule, but also one that stretches us toward God. Some choose to follow a Rule formulated by and for a community; others choose to shape their own. The practices of the Rule should be natural, intentional, and should be lived out in a rhythm that fits our ordinary lives.

Where does it come from?

A Rule of Life has been a component of monastic life since the early days of the church.

Dr. Corinne Ware in St. Benedict on the Freeway credits the Desert Father Pachomius, who lived in the fourth century, with creating the first monastic community to organize itself around a Rule of Life consisting of prayer, study of Scripture, and manual labor. Through the centuries, numerous religious orders created their own distinctive community rules. St. Benedict of Nursia, living in Italy in the early sixth century, founded the Benedictine Order, whose rule became the model for numerous other communities and is in use to this day. Benedict wrote his rule for simple lay folk – "a little rule for beginners." He emphasized balance, gentleness with ourselves and with others, and the communal nature of the process.

Benedict's rule, he wrote, was intended to "establish a school for God's service. In drawing up its regulations, we hope to set down nothing harsh, nothing burdensome. The good of all concerned, however, may prompt us to a little strictness in order to amend faults and to safeguard love. Do not be daunted immediately by fear and run away from the road that leads to salvation. It is bound to be narrow at the outset. But as we progress in the way of life and in faith, we shall run on the path of God's commandments, our hearts overflowing with the inexpressible delight of love." (from the Prologue 45-49)

In addition to monastic communities, seminaries, clergy groups, and communities of lay people often formulate a community Rule of Life to shape and direct the lives of their members.

How is it practiced?

Since the middle of the 20th century, the growing concern for authentic practice and for relating spirituality to daily life has led to a reclamation of the concept of a Rule of Life. Individuals, parishes, lay organizations, and even secular programs for personal development have seized on the creation of a Rule of Life as a strategy for fostering intentional change and growth.

Many lay people first encounter the concept of a Rule of Life through the Cursillo movement, which calls for participants to create such a rule for themselves and to meet in weekly accountability groups. There, the members report how they have lived out their Rule of Life, especially their prayer, study and action.

The Community of Hope, a training and support group for lay chaplains, commissions all its members to live by a Rule of Life and to read the Rule of Benedict on a regular basis.

Those who choose to follow a Rule of Life often establish a relationship with a spiritual director, a trusted mentor. Such a person is usually consulted on a regular basis, offering both encouragement and accountability in living into the Rule.

Demi Prentiss is a member of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, San Antonio, TX

Create Your Own Rule of Life

The very first step to creating a Rule of Life is to take stock of where you already are. Once that's clear, it's easier to give attention to the things that truly matter – to make time for the things that are most important to you.

So, take that piece of paper. Draw a vertical line that divides the paper in half. Then, about two-thirds of the way down the page, draw a horizontal line. Label the top two quadrants "daily" and "weekly." Label the bottom (smaller) quadrants "monthly" and "yearly."

In each of these quadrants, write down whatever you already do on purpose that helps you become more mindful of God at work in your life – whether daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly. Daily quiet time or reading, weekly church attendance or Bible study, a monthly meeting, or an annual retreat might be examples of what you might write down. But you might also include serving at a soup kitchen, or making music, or managing an on-line prayer list, or crusading for affordable housing, or saying "Lord have mercy" instead of losing your temper.

Be honest. This is not a test of your piety (no one's looking over your shoulder) and it is not a wish list of what you hope to do someday. If there's only one thing (or no thing!), that's a fine place to start. If you already have lots of things crowding the spaces, one of your challenges may be to prune some of your activities.

Next to each item on your list, write a "P" if it involves you in prayer or worship or conscious contact with God. Write a "G" if it represents a "growth" item for you, increasing your skill or your understanding. Write an "S" if it represents service to God, the community or the church. You can be completely subjective – one person's "G" might be another's "S" or "P."

Now, prayerfully – and perhaps over an extended period of time – examine how God might be calling you to revise your current practice. You might consider several questions:

• Is my present practice "right" for me in the present, truly reflecting who I am – or is it something arrived at by accident, or as a "leftover" from another time in my life?
• Does my present practice reflect balance – among the four quadrants, and among the "prayer," "growth," and "service" components? Is the rhythm right for me?
• Does some element appear to be missing, or underdeveloped?
• How might God be calling me to adjust my present practice – by adding one or two items, or by taking something away, or by changing frequency – in order to deepen my relationship with my Creator?

As you feel led to make a change in your practice, be sure to move into it gently. Be careful to test each change for a time, so you can determine if the new practice is a fruitful one. Remember that the object of the exercise is to deepen your relationship with God.

Make a review of how well you are practicing your Rule of Life regularly - weekly is the typical pattern Enlist the help of a trusted community of friends or a spiritual director to help you both perceive the Christ pattern in your life and understand how you are living into it.

Revisit your Rule once a year (on your birthday, perhaps) to discern whether it still fits you. Revise it as needed, using the same process you used to write it.

Demi Prentiss is a member of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, San Antonio, TX

Cursillo (a Spanish word meaning little course) gives church members the tools and "rules of life" to enthusiastically share the joys of knowing Christ with others in their everyday environments.

Cursillo is patterned on Jesus' own example. He searched out and called groups of potential leaders, trained them and sent them out to bring the world to Him.

The Cursillo weekend begins on Thursday evening and ends on Sunday afternoon. During the weekend, participants engage in study, reflection, fellowship, and worship.

The Fourth Day is the period that comprises the rest of one's life living out the Baptismal Covenant in the life of the church. It is composed of three major elements: Group Reunion...a small group of friends who meet weekly and hold each other accountable for their spiritual journey; Ultreya...usually held monthly, a larger meeting for support and building of community spirit within the movement; Spiritual Direction...a commitment to seek out skilled lay persons or clerics for spiritual direction to provide help in deepening one's union with Christ.

The first Cursillo weekends were developed in the Roman Catholic Church in Majorca, Spain. Spanish airmen who were stationed at air bases in Texas in the early 1940's brought Cursillo to the United States. The first Cursillo weekend in the Episcopal Church was conducted in the early 1960's with help from Roman Catholic sponsors in the Diocese of Iowa. The first Cursillo weekend conducted in the Diocese of West Texas took place in January 1972. Since then, more than 200 Cursillo weekends have been held in this diocese with more than 6000 persons having attended.

Cursillo is open to all adult Episcopalians, men and women, married or single.

Laity and clergy alike are invited to join the fellowship. Husbands and wives may attend the same Cursillo Weekend, or may go on different weekends. Cursillo is a movement of the Church, and the Bishop of the Diocese of West Texas has the full responsibility for its conduct within this diocese. The National Cursillo Committee provides training programs, publications, and information within the copyright parameters obtained from the Catholic Church to operate Cursillo within the Episcopal Church.

Within the diocese, the Cursillo Secretariat (appointed by the bishop) and the Cursillo Servant Community (members are those who have attended a Cursillo weekend) assist the bishop. The Secretariat is composed of representatives from the seven convocations within the diocese. The Servant Community is composed of those who desire to devote their time and talents to the movement. The Secretariat is the policy body; the Servant Community conduct activities and studies, provide news and information.

Every participant has a sponsor who has attended a Cursillo weekend. This sponsor assists in preparation for the weekend and, more importantly, stays in touch with participants after the weekend. If you know someone in your parish who has attended a Cursillo weekend, ask them to tell you more and how to get started. If you do not know someone, ask your rector to find someone for you.

• Sponsor Application
• Sponsor Checklist
• Team Member Application

Contacts:

President, Secretariat:

• Barbara Duffield
• P O Box 6885
• San Antonio TX 78209
• (210) 824-5387
• barbara.duffield@dwtx.org

Spiritual Director:

• The Rt. Rev. Gary Lillibridge
• Bishop Jones Center
• P O Box 6885
• San Antonio TX 78209
• (210) 824-5387

President, Servant Community

• John DeMontel
• 2402 Mystic Star Dr
• Corpus Christi, TX 78414
• (361) 994-7908
• johnd@arvakinsurancegroup.com

Diocesan registrar:

• Faith Miller
• Bishop Jones Center
• P. O. Box 6885
• San Antonio TX 78209
• (210) 824-5387
• FAX (210) 822-8779
• faith.miller@dwtx.org

National Episcopal Cursillo Office:

• NEC
• 24048 Leah Road
• Aldie, VA 20105-4392
• 877-ULTREYA (858-7392)
• necoffice@episcopalcursillo.org

The National Cursillo Committee Representative:

• Dion Crider
• 1009 Juno Circle
• Edmond, OK 73003
• (405) 330-8608
• Dion-linda@cox.net

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